I Was Sold a Lie

I grew up believing that conservatives loved small government. I mean, they had whole snake flags about it and everything. 

But, I gotta tell ya *looking around* this all feels very, very big. Suffocating, if we’re being honest. 

I mean, they’re out here putting government everywhere; it’s in the classroom, the library, my doctor’s office, it’s in our families, our bodies, our parenting and our marriages, it’s in my private fucking data, it’s err’where. 

Us normal folks just want to be out here vibing and living our free and best lives, just flourishing in the sun, but instead we have this guy who is just exhausting the hell out of us, sharing fan art of himself as king, letting bestie cosplay America’s HR department, and in general, making life stressful, expensive, and sucky for anyone who doesn’t own a corporation or run a questionable dictatorship. 

Do you…. do you think that’s great?

Because if you do, we need to sit down and have a couple of potentially awkward conversations. 

First, and this one is tough, but I need you to understand this very- ummm– let’s call it an inconvenient truth. You are closer to being poor than you are to be wealthy. 

And I tell you this as someone whose whole retirement plan is “hopefully winning the lottery.”

You are not the 1%, corporations and business are not your friends and family, and even if you think you have a nice house and a nice car, I assure you, you are not the level of nice house and nice car this party is concerned with benefitting. 

In fact, more than half of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck, and are one emergency away from homeslessness. Over half. So that means that even if it’s not you, it’s someone you know, and let’s be real, you can’t throw a rock at TikTok and not hit someone living in a van or car and showering at Planet Fitness. 

If you are angry and frustrated, sitting here feeling like the system is stacked against you, and you don’t have the job, money or opportunities you deserve, I’m here to tell you… you’re right, you don’t.

But it’s not because of DEI or social welfare, it’s because rich people get elected and gut the hell out of our education systems, benefits, and social safety nets. You never had a chance, babe. Your success isn’t even on their radar. 

You have been set up to fail and robbed of opportunity by people who are swimming in it.

Next, I literally don’t care about balancing the budget or paying taxes, and honestly, why the fuck do you?

No seriously, why do you? Can you think of a reason that isn’t a conservative talking point? I’ll wait. 

We are going to pay taxes no matter what, so why the hell don’t we want that money to go toward making our lives better, easier, and softer, as opposed to making it easier for insanely rich people to stay insanely rich, while we get nothing? Wait, sorry, we don’t just get nothing, we actually lose things.

We are being asked to do without, so that they- and the businesses they own- can have more and pay less. 

Rich people have no problem accessing healthcare, college and groceries. Why not use the money we are already definitely still paying to make that shit easier for us, too?

I want affordable college, awesome healthcare, beautiful parks, safe infrastructure, funded schools, our towns to be fixed after tornados and fires, and for people to no longer have to rely on GoFundMe’s to survive if they get sick or injured. In fact, I want to be thriving so hard, GoFundMe isn’t even a thing anymore. 

We should be benefitting and enjoying the fruits of our taxes with a prosperous and flourishing country. Instead, we let a group of people convince us we have to do without so they can balance a budget and cover the tax cuts that benefit just them, because I assure you, they are not doing without a thing. 

Finally, aren’t you just tired of being scared and mad all the time? Like, the rage is exhausting. 

And you’re not even scared and mad at the actual scary and crappy stuff. Instead, you’re all hyped up about shit that doesn’t even effect you. In fact, if you’re sitting here thinking that I’m overreacting because your life really hasn’t changed that much, what that means is that all the things conservatives tried to scare you with were never really your problem in the first place. 

Now you’re just fucking with peoples lives out of spite, and that’s bad human behavior, right there. 

We have some very real things to be concerned about, and we have a guy in there who has repeatedly promised to tackle this pressing important shit day one, in less than 24 hours, his words. 

And while he has a million excuses why it’s complicated and why he can’t seem to accomplish lowering the price of an egg, he has successfully reversed affordable insulin, caused job losses in the TENS OF THOUSANDS, renamed a body of water literally no one references, slashed medical research funding, threatened student loans and grants, continues to spazz out and fuck with transgender people who make up- and I’m not kidding .95% of our country’s total population– oh and brought back plastic straws, thank god. 

And literally none of this surprises me. Why?

Because that’s the thing, when you elect someone who runs on a platform of only looking out for yourself all the time, we don’t get to be surprised when he doesn’t look out for us.