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It’s Hard Being Sober Out Here in These Streets

Okay full disclosure, I’m not sober. I’m more like… a perpetually entry-level drinker who loses more and more tolerance with age and medication, while at the same time maintaining the flavor palette of a 16 year old girl. 

My bougie and sophisticated friends ordering wine: I’ll have the driest wine you have, so dry my tongue feels like a cat tongue. I want to pay a lot of money for it because its insanely high quality from the highest quality region. I want to taste the wood, the soil, and the sun sign of every one who touched the grapes. 

Me ordering wine: Yes, I’d like it to taste like melted-down candy. Like Juicy Juice with ice cubes. And if you could rim the cup with pop rocks that’d be great.

I like my liquor fruit flavored and served on a patio with chips and salsa or next to a pool, and that’s about the extent of it. 

Drinking is something I’ve begun to lose interest in more and more, and to be honest, I was never actually any good at it. 

When my mom picked me up from a bar on my 21st birthday, I was so drunk I threw up a whole plate of spaghetti noodles into the open vent of her PT Cruiser. 

Every time she ran the heat it was like driving inside a vomit-filled Olive Garden. She had to sell her car. 

I also just really hate feeling like crap the next day. I don’t have time for it, and no amount of McDonalds cokes and sausage egg McMuffins makes me feel 100% anymore. I don’t have the patience for a hangover. 

So, I’ve started to dabble in not drinking, but the embarrassing truth is, I’m not secure about the decision. 

I don’t know why I feel so embarrassed about this, or I’m so worried about making other people uncomfortable with my not drinking. My besties honestly don’t care, because they know I have the personality of the old guy from Up, but other people can be a little suspect. Listen people, I want you to drink whatever the hell you want, when you want, and we’re still totally going to have a good time, I pinky swear, the difference is, I won’t fall asleep early in the booth or throw up in your car.

The two times I tried to casually order a mocktail from the drink menu at a bougie local cocktail bar, the server all but gathered the king’s trumpets as he placed the damn glass on the table bellowing to the packed house, “YOUR MOCCCKTAAAAAIL, MA’AM.”

Bro. I just paid $12 for Juicey Juice, cold foam and a dried sugar orange wedge, how about some discretion. 

I have so much social anxiety about this, I actually lied to a bartender once and asked for a lime and soda, but to please keep it quiet because no one I’m with knows I’m pregnant yet.

I am not pregnant. I’m just deeply insecure.

Now listen, I want to be very, very clear. I enjoy alcohol. I am also not putting myself or my journey with this out here to be caught in some sort of gotcha moment when you see me out here living my best life with a drink in my hand, so you and John Quiñones can just take a seat. My ass will still be pool side with an umbrella drink, sipping a Michelob Ultra at a concert, or splitting a small pitcher of margaritas on date night. I’d just like the option of not drinking to be a little bit easier, both on the wallet and my ego. 

 

Sonja

Sunday 31st of March 2024

100% me... in my mid... ok late 40s..I just really don't even like the taste of most alcohol. If I am gonna drink something it basically needs to taste like fruit punch and I will likely sip on it for hours. And wine... real wine is just yuck even a fruitscotto has to be mixed with actual fruit juice for me to drink it. And who needs a hangover when my good friend peri (menopause) already makes me feel like crap daily.

I thought peer pressure would end after finishing school but apparently no...

Don't tell...but sometimes if I am feeling pressured in a group outing I will go to the bar and order a coke but tell everyone it is rum and coke then sip it all night..

Just do you and know you are not alone on this!

KC

Friday 29th of March 2024

If it makes you feel any better, there’s a whole movement happening around the sober/sober curious topic (not related to A, etc). I’m an event planner and I just planned a whole event around the exact topic. There was even a panel discussion called “being a non-drinker in a drinking society”! So, you’re not alone

Jennice

Friday 29th of March 2024

Listen you do what feels right for you. I LOVE to drink when I'm out at social gatherings and I'm getting married in June and I plan on being plastered 30 minutes after vows. However, I know there will be people that don't drink and I'm going to respect that by offering a non alcoholic drink for those guests. No one will be judged or judging. What I do hate is when your people say they support your decision to NOT drink but they tease you about it and try to get you to have" just one". Those people I don't like. I like Brittany Gibbons because she's herself always.

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